Why Christmas was better when you were a kid....

I have come to the realization the past few years that Christmas is just not as much fun as it used to be. As usual, I have a list of reasons why Christmas as a kid is better than Christmas as an adult:

1. When I was a kid I wished for Santa to bring me a baby My Little Pony complete with baby toys and a play pen. As an adult I wish that Santa would bring me a giant play pen in which to put babies that misbehave.

2. I used to lay in bed wondering how Santa delivered all those toys in one night. Now I lay in bed wondering how the hell I am going to wrap all of 'Santa's' toys in one night.

3. As a kid everything is magical: The tree appears with all it's lights and decorations on, santa shaped cookies come out of the oven already made, nobody asks you what to buy for your brother, and best of all nobody asks you 'what are you cooking for Christmas dinner?'.

4. As a kid I would wake up each morning wishing for snow so I didn't have to go to school. As an adult I still wish for snow so that I won't have to go to work but I am torn because then the kids will be home and will insist that I spend an hour putting on their snow clothes for a 15 minute romp in a quarter inch of snow. Not to mention the scarf and hat I am going to have to dig out to put on the pathetic snow man in the front yard that won't last a day.

5. As a kid I loved nothing better than poring over the bright shiny pages of the toy catalog. Now I flip through the Toys R Us book and have nothing but derision for the cheap, plastic pieces of crap that I know I am going to have to buy.

6. As a kid I thought that Christmas decorations were beautiful. Bright shiny tinsel, twinkling lights, and pretty ribbons. As an adult I look at them and sometimes think 'I wonder if that tinsel is strong enough to tie a 15 month old to a chair?'

7. As a kid I used to eat chocolate for breakfast every christmas day. As an adult I still eat chocolate every christmas day :-)

The Five Worst Cartoons - In My Opinion

Having a three year old I have watched a lot of little kid cartoons and kids movies in the last couple of years. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love them because it keeps my daughter entertained long enough to load the dishwasher and vacuum the floor. I hate them because some of them are the biggest pieces of crap I have seen since Luke ate an entire cheesecake. Here is my list of the five worst and the reasons why:

5. The Wonder Pets: The cartoon is not so bad in itself but if I find myself humming the theme song at work one more time I am going to kill myself. If you would like to torture yourself, you can listen to it here.

4. The Teletubbies: This show just freaks me out. The lack of real human words and the overly green scenery reminds me of War of the Worlds (the TV series back in the 80's). I can't watch it without expecting a big tripod to come over the hill and stomp on La La.

3. Wow Wow Wubzy: Annoying voices that sound like they have their noses pinched, stupid gadgets, and the most irritating songs....enough said.

2. Lazytown: This almost made number one due to the sheer horrifying combination of humans wearing rubber faces, grown men in spandex, and plastic puppets (view a really bad song from the show here). What the hell was the creator thinking when he wrote this show? Hey, lets get a muscled Swedish guy, put him in blue spandex and have him do splits to music! And you know what would make it better? Have a villain in a blue striped, spandex tux (I swear to god) and a little girl in a bright pink hooker wig! If I wasn't a responsible adult I would be camped out in front of this show with a joint and a box of donuts because you would have to be high to watch it.

1. Caillou: I grind my teeth whenever this show comes on. I let Morgan watch it occasionally because she enjoys it. A lot of people are probably reading this (ok, four people) and thinking 'That cute little boy? How can this cartoon be bad?'. This is the whiniest kid on television. He does things like stamp his feet, complain, and make his little sister cry and all his parents say is 'Oh Caillou, that is not a nice thing to do...'. What? If this was anything close to real life that kid would be in a perpetual time out and be forbidden to speak until he could do so without whining. And why does he not have any hair? Did I miss the show about a terrible genetic defect that prevents his hair from growing? His parents have hair, his sister has hair, all his friends have hair. It is a mystery.... Also, why did the shows creators make the edges of the screen blur? I feel like the whole cartoon is in a flash back.

Obviously, I spend too much time thinking about annoying kids shows.

Underwear for Peace

I have had a bad case of bloggers block lately. I will start thinking of a post in my mind and I decide it sucks so I haven't really been inspired to write anything. The kids have had a lingering virus lately so between visits to the ER (Leah), frequent doses of Motrin, and constant waiting on them hand and foot I haven't really been feeling creative.
The subject of this post though is driven by desperation. My three year old has spent the entire summer complaining how most of her clothes annoy her. They are itchy, too tight, or simply unwearable. I thought it was just a phase that she would grow out of but I think she is truly bothered by seams and snug clothing. She has driven me insane on most mornings trying to find something to wear. Getting her to wear any pants, long sleeved shirts, socks or sneakers has been impossible and I know what people are thinking when we show up to the park on a cold morning in a sleeveless dress and crocs. I am wondering how many times of her freezing to death it will take before she admits she needs warmer clothes.
The clothes issue I can work with but recently she has been complaining about her underwear and has flat out refused to wear them a couple of times. This would be ok if we were staying home or just running to store but she really needs to wear them to school and I am weary from all the battles. So I am on the search for 'Morgan Approved' underwear. I have tried buying her a bigger size but she hates the way they dig around her legs and I don't think they make boy shorts for toddlers. I have ordered her some from Hanna Andersson (expensive!) and am going to have a coniption if she won't wear them. My next idea will be to buy her some boys underwear and see how that goes.
This is what my life has been reduced to: Spending hours on finding a picky three year old the perfect underwear just so I can have some peace!
Any suggestions?

Mouse Update

I created a humane trap for our little gray visitor but unfortunately he did not take the bait. I set up the trap for a week but either he was too lazy to venture down the tunnel or too smart. I was afraid that if not caught soon our single mouse would quickly turn into a more serious infestation. So Mr Mouse has gone to visit the big cheese in the sky courtesy of a very fast (and hopefully instant) traditional spring mouse trap. I thank the hubby for taking care of this while I was away this week since I definitely would not had the courage to do it myself.
I would still recommend this idea of a humane trap to anyone that has a mouse in the house before you try to kill the poor thing. Here is a link to how to make your own humane mouse trap.

Of Mice and Men....or Dogs

We have a mouse in the house. I have not seen said mouse or heard any suspicious sounds but this is how I know:

Hubby insisted that the black small crumbs on my kitchen counter was indeed mouse poop.

The small holes in some bags of food on the floor of my pantry were not victims of Luke's constant mission of trying to eat himself to death but due to little, gnawing, mouse teeth.

I did see a mouse in our garage recently, probably was disturbed by the construction in the back yard and now it seems he has moved somewhere in the kitchen. Horrified by the thought of some little, grey, furry rodent invading my kitchen every night I have to trap the little bugger. Yes, this is me the animal lover. I realized that Libby, the dog that has attacked every type of small wildlife in my backyard, is slipping in her old age. The dog doesn't miss one leaf blowing by the window but is oblivious to the fact that her territory has been invaded by a active rodent. Ack.

So after a quick Google search I found a homemade humane contraption that will catch him and I won't have to deal with a dead rodent or one that is half alive stuck to a glue trap (ugh!).

I set it up last night but so far he has not taken the bait. Will set it up again tonight and will post when (if!) I catch him.

Great Mysteries in Life

These are the thoughts that have popped into my head recently about the mysteries in my life....

1. Why is the 'Fast Play' option on a Disney movie much, much slower than just going to the DVD menu and pressing 'Play'?

2. How is it that a man can insulate an entire room in one day but can't make two kids lunches in a space of two hours?

3. Why does it always seem that when a car accident is caused by a drunk driver, the drunk driver always survives? Is it because they are drunk? Has anyone done a study on this?

4. How do people figure that exercise makes you more energetic? It just makes me tired.

5. Why do manufacturers put so many nooks and crannies in sippy cups that require a toothpick to try to clean stale milk out of?

6. Why does it take more than two parents to handle two children?

7. Why can't we fire all the politicians in New Jersey and start fresh? I figure a good clean sweep is what we need. Oh, well they did arrest 44 of them, so I guess that is a start.

8. How does my house get to be full of clutter in the space of day, everyday?

Anybody have any more mysteries?

The Rainbow Bridge

I have blogged about my aging Golden Retriever, Luke, before. However, this post is a tribute to my mum's dog, Gertie, who recently passed away.

When I was a kid we had a big, black dog named Churchill (who was named after the tank, not the man) but after he passed my parents did not want to get another. "We will never find another like him" was what I remember hearing. So two countries, a divorce, and many years later my mum decided that she was ready to finally get another dog. I was volunteering for the Gloucester County Animal Shelter at the time so mum came to visit one day and took a shine to the very large doberman mix that I was babysitting. He was a young, active dog and I did not think that this would be a good fit for her but mum was insistent. However, another person had first dibs on the doberman mix and went with a different family. Mum was disappointed.

A couple of weeks later, Mum and I visited the shelter one night and visited with several of the dogs there. We saw a lovely hound mix that was just not right and then we visited with a Rottweiler that was five years old. We took her outside on a leash so that we could get a better feel for the dog. The dog was very relaxed and seemed so happy to get any kind of attention. The worker at the shelter told us that the Rottweiler had been labeled as 'cage aggressive' by some of the other workers at the shelter but that she had never seen an signs of it. Mum and I stared at this happy, smiley dog in disbelief and Mum promptly decided that this was her new dog.

So Gertie came home a couple of days later after being spayed. We discussed the chance that she could exhibit some aggressiveness and that Mum should be firm and careful with her. After all, she was a cage aggressive Rottweiler!! We should not have worried, Gertie was a model dog, the most un-Rottweiler I have ever met. She loved to be walked and ride in the car. She went hiking like she was born wearing a backpack and even tried swimming in the pool for a while.

Gertie was totally unfazed by chaos, of course the fact that she turned out to be quite deaf helped with that. She was a slow, laid back kind of dog that everyone loved to pet but could be whipped up into quite a frenzy by the mere sight of a flashlight. There is nothing funnier than seeing a ninety pound Rottweiler spinning around like a mechanical bull after the sunlight shining through the chandelier.

So here's to Gertie, the dog that took over where Churchill left off. May your days be bright at the Rainbow Bridge and the hot dogs plentiful.

Not me Tuesday!

A blog that I follow normally does a 'Not Me Monday' activity but I am as usual a day late and a dollar short. The idea is to blog about the embarrassing or lazy things that I did (not) do this past week. This is my first ever recap of the things that I did not do.

I certainly did not pretend not to notice as my Golden Retriever swiped some of Morgan's cereal out of her breakfast bowl so I did not have to get up to get her more. I also did not let the same dog drink out of Leah's empty bottle because it was keeping her quiet and entertained for more than five minutes.

Image via Wikipedia

I did not use a onesie out of the laundry hamper after I peed because there was no toilet paper. I would never do something so gross to avoid having to run down the stairs with my pants around my ankles.

I did not let the dogs pee on my husbands beloved front lawn because he annoyed me by not taking out said dogs. Nor did I recap that story to a friend and laugh hysterically.

I did not put earplugs in my ears after trying for two hours to get my 10 month old to sleep unsuccessfully. And I didn't feel guilty in the slightest after I discovered she had a double ear infection. I am cold like that.

Ha!! Pretty good week....

The Alcohol Lesson

I read a comment on the front of my local newspaper, The Courier Post, the other day that got me thinking. In fact I was surprised at how different this point of view was from my own. Of course, I am usually shocked that not everyone agrees with me all of the time. It was from a mother that said she was shocked that her friend was drinking a wine cooler in front of her daughter and let her have a sip. She even mentioned that she had thought about calling DYFS about it but decided that it was too extreme. You think?

Frankly, I am surprised that women with children are not drunk more often. After a day full of excruciating conversations with three year olds and hours spent dragging the nine month old off of various objects I could easily dive into a vat of beer and spend a few minutes chugging but I digress :-)

I used to drink a fair amount on weekends (before children) and rarely touched a drop during the week. Now I am more

Image via Wikipedia

likely to have a single beer after the kids go to bed a couple of nights a week and maybe two on a weekend night. It is not often that they do see me have an alcoholic beverage but that is not by design just a desire to savor my drink in peace.
I feel that if you hide the fact that you do indeed imbibe responsibly you are doing a disservice to your kids. I am not suggesting that you get loaded in front of them but show them a good example of enjoying a treat (one that is for adults only). Alcohol is a fact of life after you turn 21 and lets face it, before that even. If you hide the fact that you drink alcohol or make it a mysterious subject you are only encouraging the taboo factor that will make it irresistible to kids.

I love Wipeout!

If you have never watched the dumbest, funniest show on TV right now (god knows there isn't anything else worth watching) check out the clip below. This show is definitely mindless, hysterical entertainment. Enjoy!

Flying with Sunglasses

Since our backyard is out of commission lately due to the construction work going on, we have been spending a lot of time in the front yard. Yesterday I washed and brushed the dogs, dragged out the kiddie pool and the lawn chairs into the drive way. Yes, we have become those damn neighbors with all their stuff on the front lawn.
So here are some pics of our nice day outside. Leah loves wearing her sunglasses (when she forgets she has them on) and Morgan started wearing hers just because her sister does.



Doesn't Leah look like she is about to get into a prop plane and fly?

Speaking of flying, I caught this picture of Morgan taking flight in our hallway the other night:



Looks like fun!

Lucky Brand Jeans - Product of the Month

Like most people I have had about 36 different types of jeans over the years. Levis, Gap, Old Navy, to name a few. About 7 years ago I splurged on a pair of Lucky Jeans while in Las Vegas and to this day they are still my favorite jeans. They aren't cheap (about $100 a pair) but they are hand stitched and just feel like quality jeans. For the years that I have worn them they have definitely paid for themselves. The Sweet n Low type are my personal favorite but different cuts fit different people.
I now own four pairs, two I paid full price, two I ordered used on Ebay for $30 a pair. I am also told that Marshalls and Ross carry them sometimes. Definitely worth trying on on your next jeans shopping trip.

The path not taken...

Everyone in their life will have a time (or two, three, four) where a decision will clearly take them in one direction or another. A fork in the road if you be.

Before we got married, the hubby and I almost went in two different directions. He wanted to go one way and I was not willing to swallow my pride to stop him. We worked out our course in the end and I am sure you know where that path went to. Marriage, a new house, a new dog, a new job for one of us, and two children (these are just the highlights of course).

However, I am sure I am not the only one, I wonder where I would be had I taken the other road. I figure I would still live in our townhouse and it would be decorated in a fabulous, funky way that didn't have to take into consideration another person's perspective. I would have been home with my dog, Daisy, when she passed instead of on my honeymoon. I would have a fulfilling, absorbing, successful career. I would be a shopaholic and indulge in volunteering on my free weekends. My car would involve something with leather, 300hp, and six gears. Vacations would be with friends in exotic locales with ruins to visit and sights to see.

In real life, my house is definitely a compromise of functionality and desire. My job is dwindling due to economic reasons and my current lack of ambition. Shopping has taken a back seat to spending 30 minutes by myself relaxing and I just don't have it in me to give time for volunteering. My car is an SUV (ok, station wagon!) that I love but isn't drawing any looks of envy anytime soon and vacations involve somewhere that has a pool and kid friendly eating.

Of course, the things above are mostly assumptions. I could have stepped out of said townhouse one morning and got run over by the lawnmower, but I digress. My point is, is that while I wonder, dream and debate on what might have been it comes down to one thing: I love the road I have taken. I had my doubts at first but I love and embrace the chaotic life that I lead. My husband and my beautiful kids are the highlights of my day and I could not imagine any day without them. Even the dogs make my life (most of the time!) feel complete.

So cheers to all those who take the road less traveled, I am happy on this one :-)

Snacks!

I try to eat healthy most of time but the fact is I eat too many carbs, not enough fruit, and too much sugar. My weaknesses include chocolate (good chocolate) and salty snacks (crackers or chips).

So in my quest for healthier snacks here are a couple that I have come across that I thought were worthy of sharing. I stress the word healthier because they are not what I would consider nutritious snacks. Food in it's natural form is much better for you (fresh fruit, raw vegetables, whole grains, etc) and while I do strive to eat these things I am never going to be that kind of healthy person.

I am the kind of person who will lick the chocolate off the plate when I get a good chocolate souffle
I am the kind of person who goes and swims for 45 minutes and follows it up with a Cadbury bar, some Cheez It's and a diet coke.
I am the kind of person who tries to eat as many organic things as I can but doesn't think twice about a burger and fries at Wendy's
I am the kind of person who is never happier than at mealtime (my husband comments on this all the time)
What kind of healthy person are you?

Now that you know not to expect too much below is my new favorite sweet snack. I am an absolute chocolate nut and this is a good alternative to eating an entire chocolate bar. I start with Stoneyfield Farm Organic lowfat yogurt in Banilla in a bowl, slice half a banana in and sprinkle with Ghiradelli chocolate chips. Totally awesome.



The next one is a good salty option instead of chips or crackers. I do have to put some in a bowl or I can easily eat half a bag before noticing. Trader Joe's Unburied Treasure Corn Puffs in Sour Cream and Onion (the cheddar cheese is just as good too). At $2 a bag you can't beat the price either.

Infantile Myofibromatosis

I was recently reminded of when my now 3 year old was diagnosed with infantile myofibromatosis when she was about 9 months old. This is a condition that comprises of fibrous lumps in infants or small children. The lumps usually appear as an infant and then disappear by 2 or 3 years old with no intervention needed. In rare cases the lumps can appear on internal organs which would require surgery to remove them or it could be dangerous.

This is a fairly rare condition and I remember scouring the internet looking for information but there is not much out there. I thought I would blog about my experience and how we went about getting the diagnosis.

I had noticed a lump on her back in the bath that was long and about 2 inches in length. I was not immediately concerned but when a long lump appeared under her arm and two round lumps on her lower stomach I took her to the pediatrican. The lump on the back and arm also had hair growing on it. My pediatrician did not know what they were and referred me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist took a lump biopsy and the lab came back with the diagnosis of Infantile Myofibromatosis. I was then referred to a Pediatric Dermatologist.

There was only one Pediatric Dermatologist in the immediate area and he couldn't get Morgan in until two months away. He also did not take medical insurance (or at least not my Aetna). I told the receptionist to ask the Dr if he would be willing to squeeze in a case of Infantile Myofibramatosis, knowing it was rare and that he would want to see it for himself. Low and behold an appointment was made for a week away :-) The Ped Derm Dr admitted that he had only seen two cases of it in his medical experience and knew about as much as we did about the disease (which was quite a lot by then because I had read everything I could find). He told us to go to a Pediatric Oncologist and have them check her over.

We took Morgan to a oncologist in the area and she ordered a full body MRI to make sure that no lumps were anywhere else on her body or organs. We made an appointment at CHOP for the MRI and they had to put Morgan under to do the scan that took about 2 hours (she was now about 15 months). Fortunately, there were no more lumps than what we already knew about and we just waited for them to fade. Now, two years later, the lumps in her stomach are gone and the ones on her back and arm are very tiny (probably scar tissue from the biopsy).

We did go back to the Pediatric Dermatologist months later at his request to be a "Guess the diagnosis" case study for his interns. Morgan got a kick out of it I remember her standing in the room in her diaper waving two croissants that she got from the breakfast buffet in the office. She would giggle whenever the interns touched her lumps. I don't think they had a clue what was wrong with her :-)

Kayleigh Anne Freeman - Peace

I have written about this little girl before on my blog and my heart broke when I read that Kayleigh Anne Freeman passed away yesterday. I feel blessed and lucky that I have two beautiful, healthy children and will never take that for granted. Rest in peace Kayleigh and may your spirit live on in the people you inspired, myself included.

Swimming in Desperation

A few days ago I bought myself a new bathing suit, cap, and goggles with the intention of joining a local gym with a pool. I had recently taken up running as my new form of exercise but it is doing a serious number on my joints (ack! I am getting old). I had been a competitive swimmer for most of my younger years and I have to admit I miss the mindless, soothing act of stroking up and down the pool.
I have been mildly cranky lately due to my eight month old waking up 4-5 times a night for no particular reason. I have been relying on the half hour nap here and there to keep myself sane but today both children decided not to take their afternoon nap. So after I wasted an hour and a half trying to convince both of them that it was indeed time for a nap, I gave up. I positioned my three year old in front of her toys and strict instructions not to bother me while I had some 'quiet time'. I entertained the eight month old by throwing different toys her way and having a Baby Einstein DVD on. This did not work for more than five minutes and just when I thought I would take the car and drive away never to return, salvation walked through the door. Hubby came home early! I decided that I HAD to get out, but where to? I packed up my new suit, goggles and cap, threw a towel in my OLD swim bag and practically ran out the door (leaving hubby looking baffled). Fifteen minutes later I was feeling right at home in a heavily chlorinated pool with the ever present senior aquatic class next to my lane rope. Ahhh, home sweet pool.......

Kayleigh Anne Freeman

I was very upset today to read in one of my favorite blogs that Kayleigh Freeman has taken a turn for the worse. I have been reading her families blog for so long that I almost feel like I know them. I have been cheered when Kayleigh has done well and been sad when she has to endure more pain. She has battled heart and lung problems but now has suffered brain damage and it does seem to be an unknown and bleak prognosis. To think that she may not ever go home or at least have some semblance of a normal life makes me so very sad.
I read a post today that some person wrote that they thought that Kayleigh's parents were putting her through unnecessary pain and suffering. That Aimee and Adam should have made 'the hard decision' instead of prolonging the inevitable. This post filled me with anger. Have people no sympathy? In the age of faceless chatting via Facebook, IM's, and texting have we lost the filter of empathy that should be between our brains and our mouths? Even if that is a valid opinion (which it is total crap), keep it to yourself! This is someone's dear daughter that may not ever survive that you are so casually commenting on a board for everyone to read.
I have also read comments on Kayleigh's blog that people have posted that talk about how her parents are exploiting her situation for their own gain. Really? I wasn't aware that wanting to share your daughter's inspiring, amazing story with other people would be considered exploitation. Kayleigh's father is too much a faithful man to tell these people what should be said, so I will. Take your judgemental, idiotic, thoughtless comments and shove them up your ass.

Comcast is dropping NFL Network

My husband refuses to join Facebook, blogger, or twitter based on the grounds that it is 'a waste of his time'. However, he is so peeved about Comcast canceling the NFL Network channel that he asked me to post this rant to my blog. I have no knowledge on this subject, so read at your own leisure.

Most of you may or may not have heard about the dispute over the NFL Network. Comcast has decided to discontinue this channel after May 1st. This argument between Comcast and the NFL is ridiculous and only hurts the consumer, or the fan, in the end…

I have heard rumors about Comcast being upset that they were not given rights to carry games on its own Versus network and they also want a shot at carrying the NFL Ticket (exclusive rights are owned by DirecTV through 2014 – which is a joke I don’t have time to discuss). The NFL is upset that Comcast is charging consumers a premium to view the NFL Network as part of a Sports Tier package (read: extra money).

Neither Comcast, nor the NFL for that matter, is thinking about me. In the end, I am the one that is hurt. I am a self proclaimed sports geek that loves watching the NFL Network. As a matter of fact it is on right now in the background as I write this.

I guess I have to place most of the blame on Comcast. Just go ahead and agree to the NFL’s terms. Put this channel in your basic digital package and hide the extra $0.70 per customer in there somewhere. It is not like anyone is going to notice (most cable bills approach $150-$200 anyway - which is another joke I don’t have time to discuss). C’mon, you carry the Golf Channel in the basic digital package!

Or is it that Comcast fears that many customers will drop their $4.95 Sports Tier Package without the NFL Network. That is more likely. I know I would. Honestly, who cares about the MLB Network, soccer, the NHL Network, tennis (well maybe some people do but they have the right to pay for it if they want).

With that said, some of the blame should go to the NFL Network as well. I really don’t care that Comcast puts the NFL Network in a package. I am more than willing to pay the extra $4.95 a month. Again, how much does $5.00 affect my $150+ bill anyway.

C’mon kids, work this out. Think about who you are hurting in the end… Thanks for reading my rant.

Thanks,
Ryan

Newborn Survival Kit

I know a few people who are currently due to have babies any day now and it got me thinking about what I am going to get for the new additions to the family. The traditional gifts involve cute baby outfits, diapers, or stuff that your newborn couldn't care less about. Let's get real here people, the new Mom is the one that needs gifts. Here is what I wish someone had gotten me in a huge box for those first harrowing weeks (some serious, some wishful thinking):

1. Huggies disposable washclothes (with the soap built in) and deodorant- because you never get enough time to take a proper shower and even when you do you'd rather take a nap instead
   
2. Paper plates, disposable cups, and plastic silverware - who the hell wants to do dishes?
3. Ponytail elastics - this is related to problem number one
4. Mint gum and chapstick - this is also related to the lack of time for personal hygiene
   
5. Earplugs - because if you are lucky enough to have hubby feed the baby at night you don't want to get woken up anyway
6. Food - proper home cooked meals because you will be starving (especially if you are breastfeeding, I have been known to snack on a bowl of cold ziti in the middle of the night)
7. A maid service - this may be the wishful thinking item but I did actually get this from my mom when Morgan was born and it was the most fabulous thing ever
8. An outfit that you can sleep in and also go to the grocery store in (shoes too)

Food for thought for the next newborn gift you buy :-)

Bloggers Block

I can't think of a damn thing to write about since I got home from vacation. Everything seems boring or trivial. In order to keep the few people around that read this blog I have to come up with something.

• Easter was this past weekend and if I never see another bunny or colored egg I will die a happy person. I have eaten at least 10 hard boiled eggs in the last week and the impact on my digestive system is painful. I think the dye on the eggs are making my vision blurry. Morgan crashed hard on Sunday at 5:30pm after two days of easter egg hunting and didn't wake up until 7:30 the next day.

• Morgan also figured out how to fart on command. This is the same kid that can't figure out how to blow her nose or keep her mouth closed under water.

• I am waiting for the excavator to come and dig a giant 8 ft deep hole in my back yard for an addition onto our house. In the meantime it is hard enough to keep my golden retriever from falling into the 3 foot small hole that is already there.

• I have my first 5K to run on Saturday and I am praying it will not be windy. The last thing I need is anything else to slow me down.

That is about it, will post again soon when something interesting strikes me.

Music Associations

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the song 'Sweet Emotion' by Aerosmith came on. Every time I hear that song it reminds me of the Mary Catherine Gallagher skit on Saturday Night Live back in the day. It got me thinking of all the songs that make me think of something specific every time I hear them. Here is my 'Music Association' playlist:

1. Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix: The scene in Wayne's World where Garth starts dancing in the diner
2. Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin: Reminds me of high school dances where you slow dance with a guy at the beginning and then can't decide whether to continue once the song gets faster.
3. Time of your Life by Green Day: The last episode of Seinfeld
4. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen: Also a scene in Wayne's World where they are singing it in the Dodge Colt (or whatever that crap blue car was)
5. Your Song by Elton John: My wedding song
6. Joker by Steve Miller Band: Bus rides to swim meets in high school where we would all sing along with hand actions too :-)

I am sure there are others but that is the top six for now.

The Office

For anyone that watches The Office would know where the title of my blog comes from. For those of you who don't here is a clip that includes every single 'that's what she said' from The Office. Love that show!
Click Here

Melaleuca-Product of the Month

A couple of months ago I joined this company called Malaleuca that sells natural, eco friendly products as part of a monthly subscription type deal. It is also a company that sells these subscriptions using an 'Amway' sort of structure. Personally, I am not that interested in selling it to other people which is why I have not blogged about it until now. I am interested in buying and using their products because a lot of them have no chemicals or irritants in them.
I was skeptical when I signed up but I figured I could cancel at any time if I was not happy. So far I am totally impressed with what I have tried. The cleaners that they make are fantastic and clean better than the other eco-friendly cleaners that I have bought at the grocery store in the past. In particular, the dishwasher detergent, all purpose cleaner, and glass cleaner are great. They also have a line of shampoos and body washes that are Sodium Laureth Sulfate free (which is an irritant) that are really good.
They get a thumbs up from me :-)

Random Things

I haven't had anything really good or funny to post about lately so here is a smattering of the goings on in the Renshaw household.
1. Leah has something called RSV which is a really nasty, mucus filled, feverish cold for babies. Needless to say, it sucks and no one is sleeping.
2. Morgan has decided that she is scared of sleeping in her room and regularly wanders into our room in the middle of the night. This is not such a big deal because of point number one.
3. I am trying to train for a 5K that is in April but have had to cut back this week because my ankles and knees are not doing well. I guess I really am getting old.
4. On a good note we have a vacation to Florida coming up in a couple of weeks and I am so looking forward to it. Heres hoping for good weather!
5. I got some free stuff! One of my first posts was about how great Leah's Miracle Blanket is and they read the blog so the company is sending me a free blanket! Love them!

Smoking

First off, I have no objection to people smoking. I have been known to smoke on and off through my twenties but it never developed into a regular habit for me. I didn't mind when smoking was allowed in bars in NJ, I figured that was part of the atmosphere. What I can't stand is smokers that flick their cigarettes out of the car window. What the hell is wrong with you people? Does it not occur to you that you are throwing a rolled up piece of paper out the window that is on FIRE?! Are you not concerned that you may throw it into another car that has the window rolled down? Which has happened to me and it burnt the backseat of my car (god forbid I had any children in the car at the time). I seriously think that these litter offenders think that a cigarette is unlikely to set anything on fire. I am pretty sure that owner of the Chilis restaurant in Cherry Hill will disagree with you since it burnt down due to a flicked cigarette butt that landed in the mulched flower bed.
So do me a favor people, carry a cup of water in your car to throw your butts in (and if another cigarette lands in my car again, I will chase down that person and set your gas tank on fire with it). I thank you in advance.

Kiddie Dictionary

The things that my three year old says sometimes are too funny not to write down. I want to be able to remember the cute little things that she did ten years from now when she won't want to speak to me at all because I am 'uncool'.

1. 'Pooter' - Definition 'computer'. Example: "Mommy, where is my 'puter?" (yes, that makes me laugh hysterically every time she says it, very juvenile of me).

2. 'Glubs' - Def. 'gloves'. Ex. "I need my hat and glubs to go outside'

3. 'Boyce' - Def. 'Voice'. Ex. "I am using my inside boyce'

4. 'Snoot snacks' - Def. 'fruit snacks'. Ex. "Mommy, I went pee-pee, I want snoot snacks"

These are just a few words that are very cute when she mispronounces them. Ever since Leah has been born a lot of our conversations revolve around boobs. She is fascinated with the whole breastfeeding/pumping that I do and she likes to breastfeed her own baby as well (see picture). She also thinks that chocolate milk is what comes out of my breasts since that is the kind of milk that she likes. Here is a transcript of a recent conversation:

Morgan: "Mommy, you have big boobies"
Me: "Thank you Morgan"
Morgan: "I have little boobies"
Me: "Yes you do Morgan"
Morgan: "Daddy has boobies too"
Me: "(snickering) Yes, Daddy has boobies too"
Morgan: "Nanna has big boobies and Leah has little boobies"
Me: "That's true"
Morgan: "Milk don't come out of my boobies"
Me: "(holding back laughter) No, milk does not come out of your boobies"

This conversation would have gone on for a lot longer if the phone hadn't rang. I won't even try to describe the conversation that she tried to have with my mom about Daddy's 'pee-pee'.

Honesty

I received the award below from my friend Heidi and so here is my response:

Honest Scrap award:
A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!
B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

So here's my list:

1. I only work three days a week but I still pay someone to clean my house every two weeks

2. Even after having two of my own, I still want to adopt a child

3. I eat healthy things about 80% of the time but I can stuff my face at Wendy's with the best of them and eat chocolate almost every day.

4. I always want everyone to like me

5. I have been known to yell at my 4 month old because she is a crier and sometimes I just can't hear anything.

6. I would probably be considered an easygoing person but have a terrible temper with a tendency to throw things at the wall.

7. I curse in front of my three year old because I just can't help myself sometimes

8. I am a good driver (no tickets in years and never an accident...knock on wood!) but I am a habitual back seat driver with my husband because I think he doesn't pay enough attention.

9. I am not good at confrontation

10. I am terrified to fly but do it anyway because I like to go different places and I want to be a good example for my kids.

I am afraid I don't follow enough blogs to send this to 7 bloggers...will have to find more followers!

The Vomit Streak.....

Yesterday we christened my youngest daughter, Leah. We had family and friends come over to the house after for lunch and Morgan was so excited that her 'friends' were stopping by. Unfortunately, at 6:30 in the morning Morgan wanders into our room and announces that she does not feel good and proceeds to throw up in the bathroom. This continued several times throughout the morning and so she had to stay home from the church even though she felt better by the afternoon.
This is the first time that I have had to deal with a throwing up child. Morgan has not really thrown up since she was a baby. It turns out that I am not much help. All I want to do is hide my eyes and put my fingers in my ears so I can't hear the sounds. Which by the way is what I have done in the past if Ryan is sick.
I don't really understand the whole throwing up thing because I have not had the pleasure of doing that since I was a really young kid (it's been 25 years!). How I have gone this long without a good upchuck is anyone's guess. Even drinking seriously obscene amounts of alchohol in my younger years hasn't illicited anything worse than the dry heaves.
This is one club that I am not in any hurry to join ever again.

My Oldy Goldy

We got our Golden Retriever Luke when he was eight weeks old. Not knowing any better, Ryan picked him out from a 'backyard breeder'. A well meaning family that happened to have two Goldens and decided to breed them without any thought to genetics or breeding standards. He was a very cute puppy and Ryan and I treated him like the kid we didn't have. Pretty soon he was 85 pounds of very active Golden. I walked him every other day and used to throw tennis balls into the kitchen for him to fetch (we didn't have a backyard at the time). In obedience class he was the top of the class. Performing every command perfectly while waiting and drooling for his treat. When we would tell the trainer that he didn't listen to any command at home she didn't believe us. His major drawback has always been food. He is obsessed with it and we have never been able to break him of it. He is a habitual counter surfer and you cannot turn your head without him trying to eat your leftovers right off your plate. His file at the vet is so big that they couldn't fax it over to his new vet five years ago. I picked it up and flipped through his file, it was full of things he had eaten over the years:

• A knife (chewed the handle and stuck it in his paw)


• A razor blade (he pooped it out unharmed a day later)


• An entire cheesecake


• A lighter


• Numerous crayons


• A pound of spicy sausage (gave him an ulcer)


• 5 bagels and the plastic bag


• Pounds of paper products


• A pound of sugar and the bag it was in


• 2 kitchen chairs


• Every cooking utensil and tupperware lid I own has teeth marks in it
  

Now Luke is almost 10 years old and I can't believe it has gone so quickly. He has bad hips, at least 20 cysts covering his body (they do not seem to hurt him), and some seriously stinky flatulence. However, he still enjoys his walks and eats everything that he can get. He has been wonderful to Morgan and Leah and they love him. He has taken his demotion in the attention ranks really well and I feel bad that some days I don't even pet him once. As he slows down in his old age I am realizing that we don't have much time left together and I am trying to make the best of it.

Product of the Month - January

I realize I am on the lazy side for most things so instead of Product of the Week I will do Product of the Month.
For this month, it is Burts Bees Lip Balm. It is made of all natural stuff and tastes so nice and minty. Best of all it makes your lips tingle :-)