I have been composing this post in my mind while sweating like porky pig during my bike/runs outside. I have not written it until now because I thought for sure there was something wrong with me. Everyone loves summer, it's great, people are happy and tan and fit. Frosty drinks, bathing suits, and beautiful, green backyards are all I see on TV. Alas, I can't fight it anymore, summer is just wretched.
I am a winter/snow/cold loving person by nature. I thought that maybe now the kids are mobile that I would like the summer season more. Swimming! The beach! Exercising outside! Playing at the park! All kinds of activities that sound like a whole lot of fun when the driveway is buried under 18 inches of snow.
Reasons why I hate summer:
1. It is so frigging humid the 5 minute walk to my air conditioned car makes me sweat.
2. A side effect of reason number one is excessive laundry since I now have to change my underwear twice a day.
3. It might as well be snowing out for the amount of 'fresh air' that I get.
4. I have to display the varicose veins on my legs on a daily basis.
5. I am sick of the chlorine smell in my hair.
6. I am tired of the constant application of sunblock on myself and two children. Every day. All day. I am very pale. My skin is better suited to being a Viking than a South Jersey Guidette. Or perhaps a vampire....hmmm, then I could get with that hot vampire on True Blood, Eric. He was a Viking once too, we would have a lot in common.....wait, where was I?......
7. I have to shave my legs at least every two days (vs winter which is....well, hardly ever). Of course, if I decided to become a vampire and find that Eric I might shave them a lot more...but I digress....
8. Hot weather makes me really irritable. Which is different from the everyday crap that makes me irritable.
9. I really hate the beach. I have tried to like it over the years but frankly one day at the beach all summer is enough for me. The sand sucks, I never get to sit down, it's hot, and my thighs rub together like sandpaper. The amount of shit that I have to lug down to the sand is ridiculous considering the size of the two children that use it all.
10. Exercising outside is totally pointless because for every degree the temperature rises the slower I get until I may as well be standing still.
11. Yard work is hot, sweaty, full of disgusting bugs, and nothing ever seems to look better than when I started.
Seriously, I hate the summer.
