Wisdom Teeth Extraction Survival Kit

For some reason I like to make up 'Survival Kits' in my head. I wrote a post about a Newborn Survival Kit here and it seems to get quite a bit of Google traffic. I am betting it is from new mothers who are up at 4am with a screaming child, desperate for something they can buy that will fix everything. Of course, they come across my useless post which makes them even more desolate but I digress....
Today would be day five of getting all my wisdom teeth out and it occurs to me that other people may be wondering how to survive this pain in the ass surgery. So here is the little list of things that have been immensely helpful:

Image via Wikipedia

1. Pain killers. I cannot stress this enough, take the damn pills.
2. Soup. The Campbells Soup at Hand has been a life saver. I would avoid the broccoli one though because the little bits of veggies get stuck in your freshly split gums.
3. Ice cream and popsicles
4. Oatmeal
5. Yogurt
6. Applesauce
7. Milk
8. Baked beans
9. Mashed potatoes
   
10. Ice packs and warm packs for your face.
11. Child size toothbrush and spoons. It is ridiculous how little your jaw will open. I still can barely fit an adult size fork in my mouth.
12. Salt water. You swish with this after you eat anything.
13. A baby sitter. The pain is bearable if you are laying in bed but it is excruciating if you have to focus and think about the kids.
    
14. Don't watch any commercials on TV or read any food magazines. I am so hungry for real food it is actually painful to watch Rachael Ray.

I never realized how much I would miss eating salad until this week. I would kill for a good organic spring mix with cheese, tuna, chick peas, olives, veggies, and a good vinaigrette. The only two good things I can say about this experience is my excellent oral surgeon and the fact that I have lost two pounds in 5 days (I never lose weight!).

UPDATE: Two more things to mention....get this surgery done when you are young and heal quicker and don't get dry socket! Holy crap, my recovery from childbirth was better than the pain of dry socket. If you are unfortunate enough to get this, buy some clove oil (Eugenol) and go back to your dentist for a dressing that they tuck into the hole in your gums (Percocets didn't even make a dent). The pain was so bad I actually looked forward to going to the dentist and having him shove blissfully numbing gauze in a fresh wound.

The Great Screw Over

I will admit it here on my blog for the first time ever.

Cover via Amazon

I am obsessed with food.

It is not that I am a super health freak or something because I am most definitely not. I just love to read about nutrition and try to follow some of the things that I can incorporate into my life painlessly. One of the magazines that I love to read is my husbands Men's Health. They have a column (now also a book) called 'Eat This, Not That' which I am eternally grateful for because they expose all the hiding calories in many restaurants dishes. You would not believe the crap that restaurants will add to their food to make it 'tasty' or 'hearty'. I call it a waste of chemicals and fat.

I have to hand it to McDonalds, sure their menu is full of seriously fattening, unhealthy choices but at least they are up front about their nutrition information. I don't think anyone in this day and age has any delusions that a Big Mac and Fries are anything resembling healthy. When I eat there I am well aware of how many calories I am splurging on because I read the nutrion facts on the back of the tray cover as I am eating.

Recently, I read the '10 Worst Sandwiches in America'. Feel free to peruse the list and come back to finish reading this post. I'll wait.
10 Worst Sandwiches

Ok, let's start with #4. How the hell can a 'vegetarian' sandwich have 1100 calories in it? What is wrong with restaurants that they can ruin a perfectly nutrious sandwich that fools some poor slob on the Biggest Loser into thinking they are eating well.

#6 from Red Robin was a shame. I LOVE Red Robin. I have eaten that sandwich and loved it (granted it was huge so I only ate half, but still!)

#1 is a disgrace! Seriously, is there anyone that you can think of that needs a 2000 calorie sandwich? Unless you have been recently rescued from the brink of starvation in the middle of the Atlantic, you might want to skip this meal. Actually, you might want to skip it anyway, it didn't sound all that good.

Oh and if you want to know how many calories you chug down in your beer every night. Check this link out.
40 Top Beers

I am warning you though, it is definitely based on calories, not taste. Most of my favorites were in the 150-200 calorie range.

Why it sucks getting old....

I have two severely damaged thigh muscles due to a 30 minute Crunch Pilates DVD yesterday.

I am just now getting over a cough that turned into bronchitis 2 weeks ago. My one year old was nice enough to give me this ailment and she was cough/snot free in two days.

My wisdom teeth are coming in and making my entire face hurt. It took me two days to realize this was the problem because I thought it was a side effect of said previous cold.

I will have to get aforementioned wisdom teeth removed and I am not looking forward to the recovery time. Kids don't care that you feel like shit and therefore the no-mercy rules apply.

I have to pee more often than I really think I should

My husband complains more often than I really think he should. This would be a side effect of him getting older too.

I complain in my blog more often than I should.

Kids Love a Good Deal

What is it with kids and infomercials? I have never really paid much attention to these cheesy, 2 minute long ads except to make fun of all of them. You have the classics - Set and Forget It, Ginsu knives, OxiClean, Magic Bullet, and of course Tony Little and his Gazelle. However, I have noticed that there are a lot of infomercials on the channels that Morgan likes to watch. At first I thought that these commercials were for all the adults that may be watching with their kids. How wrong I was and how clever are the marketing geniuses behind it.
I have seen my four year old watch these commercials with eyes bright and mouth open. When the mere mention of a 'free gift with order' comes on she is positively foaming at the mouth. Bendaroos, Touch n Brush, Magic Soap, Big Top Cupcake and the Snuggie are just to name a few that I have been instructed to buy. Morgan actually came to me the other day and said 'Mommy, I can't find any of my clothes. I need Wonder Hangers'. Ok, first of all, she can't find any of her clothes because they are all on the floor and secondly, I am not buying these hangers so she can get the free stick up light that comes with it.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make a giant cupcake with pudding in the middle.

Why Christmas was better when you were a kid....

I have come to the realization the past few years that Christmas is just not as much fun as it used to be. As usual, I have a list of reasons why Christmas as a kid is better than Christmas as an adult:

1. When I was a kid I wished for Santa to bring me a baby My Little Pony complete with baby toys and a play pen. As an adult I wish that Santa would bring me a giant play pen in which to put babies that misbehave.

2. I used to lay in bed wondering how Santa delivered all those toys in one night. Now I lay in bed wondering how the hell I am going to wrap all of 'Santa's' toys in one night.

3. As a kid everything is magical: The tree appears with all it's lights and decorations on, santa shaped cookies come out of the oven already made, nobody asks you what to buy for your brother, and best of all nobody asks you 'what are you cooking for Christmas dinner?'.

4. As a kid I would wake up each morning wishing for snow so I didn't have to go to school. As an adult I still wish for snow so that I won't have to go to work but I am torn because then the kids will be home and will insist that I spend an hour putting on their snow clothes for a 15 minute romp in a quarter inch of snow. Not to mention the scarf and hat I am going to have to dig out to put on the pathetic snow man in the front yard that won't last a day.

5. As a kid I loved nothing better than poring over the bright shiny pages of the toy catalog. Now I flip through the Toys R Us book and have nothing but derision for the cheap, plastic pieces of crap that I know I am going to have to buy.

6. As a kid I thought that Christmas decorations were beautiful. Bright shiny tinsel, twinkling lights, and pretty ribbons. As an adult I look at them and sometimes think 'I wonder if that tinsel is strong enough to tie a 15 month old to a chair?'

7. As a kid I used to eat chocolate for breakfast every christmas day. As an adult I still eat chocolate every christmas day :-)

The Five Worst Cartoons - In My Opinion

Having a three year old I have watched a lot of little kid cartoons and kids movies in the last couple of years. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love them because it keeps my daughter entertained long enough to load the dishwasher and vacuum the floor. I hate them because some of them are the biggest pieces of crap I have seen since Luke ate an entire cheesecake. Here is my list of the five worst and the reasons why:

5. The Wonder Pets: The cartoon is not so bad in itself but if I find myself humming the theme song at work one more time I am going to kill myself. If you would like to torture yourself, you can listen to it here.

4. The Teletubbies: This show just freaks me out. The lack of real human words and the overly green scenery reminds me of War of the Worlds (the TV series back in the 80's). I can't watch it without expecting a big tripod to come over the hill and stomp on La La.

3. Wow Wow Wubzy: Annoying voices that sound like they have their noses pinched, stupid gadgets, and the most irritating songs....enough said.

2. Lazytown: This almost made number one due to the sheer horrifying combination of humans wearing rubber faces, grown men in spandex, and plastic puppets (view a really bad song from the show here). What the hell was the creator thinking when he wrote this show? Hey, lets get a muscled Swedish guy, put him in blue spandex and have him do splits to music! And you know what would make it better? Have a villain in a blue striped, spandex tux (I swear to god) and a little girl in a bright pink hooker wig! If I wasn't a responsible adult I would be camped out in front of this show with a joint and a box of donuts because you would have to be high to watch it.

1. Caillou: I grind my teeth whenever this show comes on. I let Morgan watch it occasionally because she enjoys it. A lot of people are probably reading this (ok, four people) and thinking 'That cute little boy? How can this cartoon be bad?'. This is the whiniest kid on television. He does things like stamp his feet, complain, and make his little sister cry and all his parents say is 'Oh Caillou, that is not a nice thing to do...'. What? If this was anything close to real life that kid would be in a perpetual time out and be forbidden to speak until he could do so without whining. And why does he not have any hair? Did I miss the show about a terrible genetic defect that prevents his hair from growing? His parents have hair, his sister has hair, all his friends have hair. It is a mystery.... Also, why did the shows creators make the edges of the screen blur? I feel like the whole cartoon is in a flash back.

Obviously, I spend too much time thinking about annoying kids shows.

Underwear for Peace

I have had a bad case of bloggers block lately. I will start thinking of a post in my mind and I decide it sucks so I haven't really been inspired to write anything. The kids have had a lingering virus lately so between visits to the ER (Leah), frequent doses of Motrin, and constant waiting on them hand and foot I haven't really been feeling creative.
The subject of this post though is driven by desperation. My three year old has spent the entire summer complaining how most of her clothes annoy her. They are itchy, too tight, or simply unwearable. I thought it was just a phase that she would grow out of but I think she is truly bothered by seams and snug clothing. She has driven me insane on most mornings trying to find something to wear. Getting her to wear any pants, long sleeved shirts, socks or sneakers has been impossible and I know what people are thinking when we show up to the park on a cold morning in a sleeveless dress and crocs. I am wondering how many times of her freezing to death it will take before she admits she needs warmer clothes.
The clothes issue I can work with but recently she has been complaining about her underwear and has flat out refused to wear them a couple of times. This would be ok if we were staying home or just running to store but she really needs to wear them to school and I am weary from all the battles. So I am on the search for 'Morgan Approved' underwear. I have tried buying her a bigger size but she hates the way they dig around her legs and I don't think they make boy shorts for toddlers. I have ordered her some from Hanna Andersson (expensive!) and am going to have a coniption if she won't wear them. My next idea will be to buy her some boys underwear and see how that goes.
This is what my life has been reduced to: Spending hours on finding a picky three year old the perfect underwear just so I can have some peace!
Any suggestions?