The Five Worst Cartoons - In My Opinion

Having a three year old I have watched a lot of little kid cartoons and kids movies in the last couple of years. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love them because it keeps my daughter entertained long enough to load the dishwasher and vacuum the floor. I hate them because some of them are the biggest pieces of crap I have seen since Luke ate an entire cheesecake. Here is my list of the five worst and the reasons why:

5. The Wonder Pets: The cartoon is not so bad in itself but if I find myself humming the theme song at work one more time I am going to kill myself. If you would like to torture yourself, you can listen to it here.

4. The Teletubbies: This show just freaks me out. The lack of real human words and the overly green scenery reminds me of War of the Worlds (the TV series back in the 80's). I can't watch it without expecting a big tripod to come over the hill and stomp on La La.

3. Wow Wow Wubzy: Annoying voices that sound like they have their noses pinched, stupid gadgets, and the most irritating songs....enough said.

2. Lazytown: This almost made number one due to the sheer horrifying combination of humans wearing rubber faces, grown men in spandex, and plastic puppets (view a really bad song from the show here). What the hell was the creator thinking when he wrote this show? Hey, lets get a muscled Swedish guy, put him in blue spandex and have him do splits to music! And you know what would make it better? Have a villain in a blue striped, spandex tux (I swear to god) and a little girl in a bright pink hooker wig! If I wasn't a responsible adult I would be camped out in front of this show with a joint and a box of donuts because you would have to be high to watch it.

1. Caillou: I grind my teeth whenever this show comes on. I let Morgan watch it occasionally because she enjoys it. A lot of people are probably reading this (ok, four people) and thinking 'That cute little boy? How can this cartoon be bad?'. This is the whiniest kid on television. He does things like stamp his feet, complain, and make his little sister cry and all his parents say is 'Oh Caillou, that is not a nice thing to do...'. What? If this was anything close to real life that kid would be in a perpetual time out and be forbidden to speak until he could do so without whining. And why does he not have any hair? Did I miss the show about a terrible genetic defect that prevents his hair from growing? His parents have hair, his sister has hair, all his friends have hair. It is a mystery.... Also, why did the shows creators make the edges of the screen blur? I feel like the whole cartoon is in a flash back.

Obviously, I spend too much time thinking about annoying kids shows.